14 Balloons
by jamieandkatyrawk
Summary: She was my drug and I needed to get high off of her. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: Degrassi belongs to Epitome, a beautiful studio in Canada. "14 Balloons" belongs to Matchbook Romance. Read and Review.**

**Author's Note: Slightly AU and a bit OOC, but it's all good. And hey, Jamie here. I know we all enjoy a desperate Ashley and a stoned Spinner, or atleast I do. Spinner POV. S/M and C/A, along with SpinAsh. I actually don't even like this story but I've been procrastinating over writing it so I'm just posting it, not my best. Katy helped me with this so yay Katy! (snaps for Katy) I couldn't have done it without you! LOL. Just read it, chyeah.**

She waits for me at a table in the corner, playing with her fries. If she's going to want this to work, she's going to have to stop being so fucking obvious and actually eat something for once. Note to self. Feed Ashley when we get to where we are heading. I can tell she is becoming restless, and it's not like I want to be here either. She brushes her hair out of her eyes and she looks over at me and then back down again. I'm fucking going as fast as I can.

I threw off my apron and slid around to the other side of the counter. She wasn't sitting there anymore. Shit. I heard a faint knock on the window and she was shivering outside. She ran across the street, almost getting killed and I follwed slowly behind her. As soon as we got to my car, she immediately went to turn the heat on. This is my typical Saturday night, me and Ashley smoking whatever we can get our hands on in the parking lot of our happy little school.

I often wonder how I got myself into this situation and even worse how I got into it with Ashley Kerwin, of all people. I don't exactly remember how it happened, but I remember she asked me one day in school if I was up for a good time and I didn't know what she meant so I said "Sure" and now it's all I think about it. Thanks for getting me fucking hooked Ash. Nice job.

I'm sure she doesn't care that much though. I mean, she gets the stuff from JT, which is even weirder and it's not like I can ask JT so she gets it for both of us and it is always enough. My brain hurts from thinking too much and Ashley is teasing me by not lighting up yet. "So, Ash." I broke the silence. "You got the stuff."

"Of course." She said in her 'I'm so much better than this' attitude. But the thing is, she isn't any better than me, or JT, or Craig, or anyone for that matter. She is just as fucked up as the rest of us.

There is always an awkward silence and when we're talking we miss it. Talking always leads to fighting, which leads to flirting, which leads to stuff that I don't even remember because by then we are both so out of it we don't know what happened. But I always make sure that I get her home okay, it's the least I can do.

_"What makes us burn every bridge we cross?  
Or walk aimlessly into oncoming traffic?"_

She unfastened her seatbelt and for the first time that evening we make eye contact. She is hesitant and I don't know why. She turns down the radio and slips off her coat, making sure that she reveals the tiny bag, my savior. I dodge for it but she pulls back. "Fuck Ashley. Why can't you just be a normal human being and give it to me." She doesn't answer. "I mean, you don't have to be all crazy about giving it up. No wonder Craig cheated on you."

"No wonder Paige had enough of you. You don't realize how you come off." She was about to leave so I locked the doors. "I'm not stupid Spin. I can always just lift the button." She took her coat and opened the door.

"Ash. Don't leave." She was teasing me. I needed her. She started off and I ran around in front of my car to stop her. "You can't leave me like this. I could have spent tonight with Manny, but I'm here with you."

"Oh, so that makes me feel so much better Spin." She sarcastically spoke. "I mean you totally use me for my relations with JT. And at school, it's like we can't even coexist in the same classroom together."

"Ashley, I'm in Grade 10 English. Use words that you think I would actually understand." I chuckled at myself but she wasn't laughing. She started to walk off and I caught up to her. "Ash, think about it. I'm sure you wouldn't want anyone knowing about this, about us."

"There is so no "us" Spin." She turned around and stared directly into my eyes. We were something, not to put a label on what we are but I knew that we were something and I knew that she knew it too. She went on to say, "There never will be an "us." I don't know why I feel a sharp pain in my chest after hearing those words. I know I mean something to her, otherwise she would go find some other random boy to get high with, so there you see my logic, I mean something to her.

"Okay. Well, can't you just stop this and get in the car." She looked down. "Please Ash." I needed this like a hole in the head. "Get in the car Ash." I sounded so harsh and she seemed so vulnerable as we both got back in the car. She slammed the door shut and glared out the window. I could see her reflection and she looked like there was no emotion left in her. Did I break her?

I rested my hand over hers and then I felt a tiny squeeze. She turned toward me and rested her head on my shoulder. I was in shock at how wonderful it was to have her skin touching mine, how perfect everything was at that one moment. She didn't speak but she just handed me the baggie, the car so peaceful and quiet. I took it from her and I don't know why but I felt the immediate urge to kiss her. She didn't resist and then there was this magnificent feeling of knowing that everything was going to be okay. And the odd thing was, I was kissing Ashley Kerwin at my own free will. She was my drug and I needed to get high off of her.

_"Third times a charm, but would we even get that far?  
Though I owed it to everyone, but I really owe it to myself."  
_

Fifteen minutes later, we were both completely shit faced. She kissed my neck as I inhaled, over and over again. The old shitty car was cloudy and I couldn't see much except for Ashley's gorgeous blue eyes glimmering at me. What was amazing about this was that it was so unreal. Never would I have thought that Ashley Kerwin would be a makeout whore and I would just be one of her victims.

Ashley started to laugh, so I laughed with her. It was fucking amazing. Even when she's as high as a kite, she's still so Ashley. She had this confidence that I'd never seen her lose, not even when Craig cheated on her. She knew she was right. She knew she was right because she's always right.

It was so fucking ironic that the day before Ashley came to me, Manny and I said 'I love you' for the first time. As much as I had made myself want to believe it, the day Ash came to me, I knew that I would never love Manny again. It wasn't that I wanted to be with Ashley; I simply wanted her. I saw the way she was and could be this confident around anyone, and I knew immediately that was something not everyone had. It made me immediately realize how clingy Manny was, and when I was around her from that point forward, I was bored. Every time I saw Craig, I wanted to slap him. How could he have cheated on Ashley with Manny? Maybe he's thought dyslexic or something. Manny, although her look and appeal had changed since Grade 8, she had not. She was still the little kitten. I guess it's just some rite of initiation that a man must leave a kitten and find himself a lioness. Not that I wanted to be with Ashley, I just loved the thought of her.

Ashley broke my train of thought when I heard the door open and she started to climb onto the roof. It took me a minute to register what was going on but I hoisted myself up there to be with her. She smiled and gently rested her head in my lap. I don't know how long we sat like this or what else really happened from that point on but I remember getting her home before 3. Thank god her 'rents were out.

_"Yeah, I've got fourteen balloons  
But, I think I'll let them take to the sky."_

It was Monday morning and I was still recovering from my weekend. I saw Manny waiting at a bench by my locker so I immediately went over to greet her. "Hey!" She poked me playfully and I took her hand and helped her up.

"Hey." I imitated her with her cutesy type of voice. We walked towards her locker.

"So, I wish you would have called me this weekend." She says as I help her with her books.

I bit my lip in the cutest way possible. She looked over at me and smiled. Think fast. "I actually had to study for English. My mom is making me get tutored." So I lied. It's not like she is going to question me.

"I could have tutored you Spin. Everyone knows you suck in English …"

I gave her one of my famous "I don't know" looks and nonchalantly mentioned "My mom actually arranged for Ashley to tutor me. Weird I know, but she's a great writer." She's also great amongst other things but that is really irrelevant and can't be said.

"Oh." Manny didn't dare question anything else about Ashley since Manny basically ruined Ashley's entire existence and probably made her into the stoner that I love. Wait, I don't love Ashley. I just love stoner Ashley. Big difference. We walked towards Manny's first period class and I saw Craig standing at Ashley's locker reading over a piece of paper and looking awkwardly at a balloon tied to her locker. "Is it Ashley's birthday?" Manny suggested as she tugged at my arm to have a better grip on me.

"Don't think so." I chuckled and I continued to escort Manny to Geometry. She's a genious.

I rounded the corner and frowned when I saw Ashley pressed up against her locker hooking up with her knight in shining leather. She noticed me and it was really weird because it seemed fit that all I could do was stare. Her smirk turned into a frown and Craig turned around and noticed me. He waved and she smiled holding his arm like he was on a leash, as I walked over to them. "Hey Spin," she greeted me cheerfully as she went to go to her locker.

I said hi to them both, as I pushed my hair out of my eyes. After some stupid talk about the weather and the assignment for Mr. Armstrong, Craig kissed Ash good-bye and headed off to go ask Marco something about the homework, which left us alone. "So, how was the rest of your weekend?" We started to walk.

She shrugged, "Okay I guess. Toby was all over me wondering why your car dropped me off on Saturday night and I wasn't exactly at my best to say anything. He's been bothering me about it non stop."

"I can knock some sense into him for you." I pretended to make a fist and she managed a smile and looked up. We were outside of Mr. Simpson's and Ashley looked down at her watch.

"Oh wow, look at the time Spin." I just looked at her confused. I thought we had class. "I have to meet JT. Sorry." She touched my arm as if she needed to give me some sort of condolence. With the flip of her hair and a quick smile, she dashed off to find JT and the end of the corridor.

I watched her go and I realized that I wasn't necessarily screwed over. Who needed Media Immersion, I didn't. And plus, Craig was in math. "Hey Ash. Wait up." She just smiled and I followed her out to JT's shitty hiding place near the school holding her hand. This was love.

_"Yeah, I've got fourteen balloons,  
We can count them one by one, and say goodbye."_


End file.
